I think it is fun to make others laugh, and the ice cream really was dropped onto my lap, lol. It really was cold... Now, you got to remember, I have no working heater in my car, it is "winter" and, there, I am ...with icecream in my lap, more, my crotch than lap. Were they blue? I don't know! lol. They looked somewhat discolored,
To take life so serious is such a sad thing because, there is so much to laugh about. Let me put it this way, I am surrounded by miserable people. That I really am. I am not joking about. I got to laugh. For their sakes, not mine. Like tonite at work, there I am happy as a lark, just really to be alive, you got to remember, I have weathered much more than most people in life really... not all, but ask yourself, how many people do you has my health problems? Lets see, I got one cancer diagnose after another, I got 3 brain vessel malformations, 3 brain tumors, all in operable, and I ask myself, am I that curious to see what they are? NAH... I will pass. They ain't growin and I aint' going anywhere. I got a hemolytic anemia, neoplasms in my lungs, possible lymphoma just sitting there for the hell of it, it is called "indolent" meaning, it ain't growin, so, why fix what ain't broken? Right? But, one day... well, one day...
So, I am at work today, working with a woman a few years younger than me, for really, who asked, why I was breathing hard. Well, I know she hates, just hates to hear about my problems, so, I thought...hmmm, how do I answer this? Do, I say, oh, I got a cold, or an allergy, like I am ashamed of my illness, ashamed of what I fought for all these years, something she takes for granted every morning she wakes up? Nah... I am proud of myself, proud that I am strong enough to go the distance. I want a Heisman trophy like OJ got. So, I said, well... and, mentioned, just mentioned I got lung problems. and, she quips, " there is nothing wrong with you."
I said, " well, I wish that was true, but, I live in the "real" world, I have to. Of course, she added, " well, I don't, I live in a fantasy world." How can I fight something like this?
My real world consists of picking up my husband from a basement floor, trying to give him CPR at the time, with Pneumonia and Cancer with my ankle still cut apart, yeah, baby, that is my reality. I spent 5 years and 3 months TOTAL on chemos, and even at the third time, the Oncologist, said, " it is your call" it is spreading. Well, I had no option and told him, " go for it" he said, he was glad to hear that, and then their was a forth and then, a fifth, and as sure as I am sitting here, there will be a sixth.
But, through it all, I found that I can still laugh, and have the desire to make others laugh and feel good about theirselves, I ask myself, what is wrong with someone who isn't toward me.
I enjoy the life, I fought to keep, and started losing at age 44. My husband told me once, that I made things look too easy, I guess I do.
She, my boss, told me once, " I want to be mean." Well, she is succeeding, and the saddest part about it all, are her losses on being mean. It is so much more fun to be nice, and funny. And, to care about others. I even care about her, even though I know she hates me. Oh, well...