I agree whole heartedly that duct sealing is important. So too is sealing the building envelope but you kinda lost me on the "stack effect". I've always seen stack effect as warm air is less dense and rises, like a hot air balloon. If you have a hole in the top of your balloon, the hot air leaks out and you lose heat (and loft).
When we have cooler (conditioned) air, would it not be heavier than the outside air and so not prone to stack effect? In that case it would be more like a bathtub and the water represents the heavier cold air, so the lower portion of the house needs to keep the cold air in.
If ANY conditioned space air is escaping, it's sucking in humid air somewhere else. The stack works both ways- yes, when denser cool air is allowed to escape out the bottom, it's sucking air into the house at some other point. It's still follows the math & physics of the stack effect even though there's a change of sign (and therefore direction) compared to a combustion-flue context. If you prefer to call it something else, fine, but the principle is the same.
If hot and humid air is allowed to enter conditioned space from from an overheated attic, it's a double-whammy but all air-infiltration is a significant cooling load in a NJ climate due to relatively high summertime dew points. It takes ~2x the compressor energy to lower the dew point of air 10F than it takes to lower it's temperature 10F. A typical steamy July day in NJ will have a dew points in the high 60s to low 70s F, which translates into uncomfortable, humid, and mold-inducing conditions in a 78F conditioned space. To be comfortable and healthy at 75-78F you need the dew point to be lower than 63F (60% RH @ 78F), but under 58F (50% RH @ 78F) is noticeably better.
Bottom line, for the AC to be able to keep up, lowering the latent-load issue by fixing infiltration is as important as the lowering sensible load with insulation & shading. The higher the summertime dew point, the more important air-sealing becomes. If you only fix the sensible load aspect of the building you end up being cool, but also dank, clammy.
In a tight house with reasonable insulation & windows and no unusual solar gain factors a 3 ton compressor should be capable of handling 3000-4000' of conditioned space. The old-school rule of thumb was 500'/ton, but it takes a pretty crummy building envelope for the cooling loads to actually hit that. Some propose 1000'/ton as a better rule of thumb, but even that is overkill for most homes if you keep the AC at reasonable setpoints during unoccupied hours rather than let the full thermal mass of the house soak at some high temp for hours, then try to cool it down to 75F right after you get home from work/school/etc. Rules of thumb aren't a substitute for a real heat gain/loss calc, but even if you undersize it by quite a bit it should be able keep up with the load most days.