The part about the water going the opposite direction is not exactly true.
If the pump is running and lets say house 1( the owner of the well) is not using any water but house 2 is, and the tank has 40psi ( the well has a 30/50 switch)
House 1 and house 2 will have 40psi, with water flowing to house 2. If the T is at the tank after the pressure switch, where is the water hammer at?
Are not all bladder tank plumbed just this way? The water goes in on the same pipe the water goes out.
Of ocurse you're right IF the tee is on the outlet of the pressure tank in the first house but, the OP questioned:
How to add a 2nd home onto an existing well system I have recently purchased a 2nd weekend home which has an inadequate well, my neighbor has just drilled a new well which produces 30gpm and has offered to add me to his well for a minimal usage fee. My home is 350 ft away from his well head and 450 ft away from his pressure tank location. I was planning to install new 1"- 160 psi line and
need to know whether it would be best to tee off at the well head or on the outlet side of his pressure tank. I want to optimize my pressure, while minimizing pressure fluctuations, to him as well as to myself.
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My advice was/is against the Tee being at the well head/before the pressure tank. I said for it to be after the pressure tank because of water hammer caused when the direction of water flow to his house is reversed when he is using water and the pump comes on.
Valveman suggested it doesn't matter and there would be no water hammer or problem in a small system like this. I've disagreed.
I haven't mentioned it but with 350 to 450 feet of water line to get water to the OP's house, especially for when both houses are using water during peak demand times, the pressure switch settings are going to have to be higher than the normal 30/50 or 40/60 or the OP's house isn't going to have sufficient flow rates and will be complaining about 'low pressure' and so will the well owner.
So since the pressure switch is at the well owner's house, because the pressure tank is there, his water pressure is going to be rather high. Which will cause more serious water hammer, and higher pressures uses water faster and that will cycle the pump more frequently unless they use a CSV.
BTW, the importance of this is due to all water treatment equipment (and bladder type pressure tanks) has a max operating pressure of 100-125 psi. Repeatedly getting up towards those pressures weakens the resin/mineral tanks and disposable filter housings, control valves etc..
The pressure repeatedly gets up that high if there is water hammer because it can easily quadruple the main line pressure which can exceed that 125 psi max pressure. That's why I have studied water hammer and its causes and effects.